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I Hired a Clown For My Birthday and All I Got Was This Stupid Album​!​!​!

by Gum Disease

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Nico
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Nico I LOVE THIS BAND SM!! I FOUND IT TODAY AND ITS SO COOL!! Favorite track: Scum.
shinyvalentine
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shinyvalentine raw talent on these guys!!
PLEASE COME TO NC YALL Favorite track: Milk.
ecstaticdecoder
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scoutlikesqueermusic
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tonieee
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stormy14
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dominoeffectx
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Kit
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olivepile
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literalbicarrot
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Beef Eater
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maisie09
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alderlead_as_a_fan
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kebabworld
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1.
Birthday Party 03:10
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Alone at your party You ain’t even here Too busy with the boys You’ll never see me near What’s the chance of me dying on your birthday It doubles when I’m here When I arrive I’m here to stay Despite the cake and tears Is it too late to save this Tie me up by the wrists Guess I’ll drown in my own piss Is that on your birthday wish list? What’s the chance of me dying on your birthday It doubles when I’m here When I arrive I’m here to stay Despite the cake and tears You blow out the candles I’m more than you can handle Spray my blood in the kitchen i sure hope nobody’s listening There’s a colour changing light Makes the room so fuckin bright Once you’ve drowned me tonight Destroy the proof with dynamite There’s a colour changing light Makes the room so fuckin bright I know that it won’t be alright I’ll be the bang in the middle of the night There’s a colour changing light Makes the room so fuckin bright Once you’ve drowned me tonight Destroy the proof with dynamite There’s a colour changing light Makes the room so fuckin bright I know that it won’t be alright I’ll be the bang in the middle of the night What’s the chance of me dying on your birthday It doubles when I’m here When I arrive I’m here to stay Despite the cake and tears
2.
Content 02:09
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Wanna fucking murder you Like squirt blood all over you Wanna fucking dismantle you Like chop you into pieces and gamble with you Wanna fucking waste you Need to replace you Wanna wipe you out Like turn you inside out Wanna make you drop dead By smashing your fucking head Blood flows out onto the concrete And it spreads maybe four feet Wanna fucking waste you Need to replace you Wanna wipe you out Like turn you inside out Wanna slit your throat Make blood spill on your coat You may be in pain but I’m content Taking my time and capturing the moment Wanna fucking waste you Need to replace you Wanna wipe you out Like turn you inside out Wanna fucking murder you Like squirt blood all over you Wanna fucking dismantle you Like chop you into pieces and gamble with you Wanna get you killed Then all my needs will be fulfilled Death gives me seratonin The ice you’re treading on is super thin Wanna fucking waste you Need to replace you Wanna wipe you out Like turn you inside out
3.
Milk 03:19
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I’m the centre of attention Cause’ I never got any I’m used to being drowned out By the noise of the TV So they shouldn’t give a shit When all eyes are on me Because being listened to Is making me fucking happy I just wish that they would say Look me in the eyes and say Tell me the truth and say I just wish that they would say What’s your favourite milk? Is it skimmed or lactose free? No matter what you pick I will always disagree There is something wrong With everything that you do There is no correct answer Except to stop being you I’m taking medication So my head isn’t fucked Cause’ I get viewed as equal Maybe once a month And I get told I don’t need pills I just need to cheer up And the things that are wrong Are just really bad luck I just wish that they would say Look me in the eyes and say Tell me the truth and say I just wish that they would say What’s your favourite milk? Is it skimmed or lactose free? No matter what you pick I will always disagree There is something wrong With everything that you do There is no correct answer Except to stop being you I’m sick of feeling that I’m the worst person alive Because I need so see a therapist In order to survive I’ve been told over and over That what I do isn’t right And it’s conditioned me to hate myself And never go outside I just wish that they would say Look me in the eyes and say Tell me the truth and say I just wish that they would say What’s your favourite milk? Is it skimmed or lactose free? No matter what you pick I will always disagree There is something wrong With everything that you do There is no correct answer Milk! I wish that you were more like her You never talk to us anymore Why can’t you be more like her I miss who you were before I wish that you were more like him You never talk to us anymore Why can’t you be more like him I miss who you were before I wish that you were more like them You never talk to us anymore Why can’t you be more like them I miss who you were before I wish that you were more like her You never talk to us anymore Why can’t you be more like her I miss who you were before What’s her favourite milk Is it skimmed or lactose free No matter what she picks I’m sure that you’ll agree I wish that you were more like him You never talk to us anymore Why can’t you be more like him I miss who you were before This song isn’t actually about milk is it? Uh, no Oh well What’s your favourite milk? Is it skimmed or lactose free? No matter what you pick I will always disagree There is something wrong With everything that you do There is no correct answer Except to stop being you
4.
Roadkill 02:16
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When you see roadkill what do you do? Does it stay on your mind for two years straight? When you see roadkill what do you do? do you wish you’d slammed your goddamn breaks? Glazed eyes, losing time Every breath crystallised Morph my body, full of lies In a prison, but there’s no crime When you hurt me what do you think? Does it stay on your mind for two years straight? When you hurt me what do you think? Do you forget because you’re overflowed with hate? Blue hands, knuckles red Lack of breath, almost dead Regret the words, things you’ve said Cavity growing in my fucking head When you see roadkill what do you do? Does it stay on your mind for two years straight? When you see roadkill what do you do? Do you wish you’d slammed your goddamn breaks? I wanna lay in a landfill Hidden by the waste I need to lay in a landfill Or a basket case I wanna be the roadkill You left on the curb I need to be the roadkill Cause being unloveable hurts When you left me what did you think? Cause’ it’s been on my mind for 4 years straight When you left me what did you think? Cause’ when I think of it I deteriorate
5.
Scum 02:32
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It’s either wrong or right Pink or blue If I’m outside the box It’s not good enough for you You told me to be one or the other But you’re in the middle too Somewhere between scum and dumbass I guess your morals don’t apply to you Why do you expect me to be part of the binary I’m not fucking robotic Teaching kids they’re not themselves Where’s the fucking logic You told me to be one or the other But you’re in the middle too Somewhere between scum and dumbass I guess your morals don’t apply to you You respect me when its convenient to you Yet I’ve seen you at the drag nights downtown Well how will my Jimmy Choos feel on your face When you choose not to use my pronouns (ouch!) You told me to be one or the other But you’re in the middle too Somewhere between scum and dumbass And you think you’re the goddamn glue? You’re not fixing anything You’re making it worse Because we cannot be ourselves We’d rather be in a hearse You told me to be one or the other But you’re in the middle too Somewhere between scum and dumbass I guess your morals don’t apply to you You told me to be one or the other But you’re in the middle too Somewhere between scum and dumbass I guess your morals don’t apply to you You told me to be one or the other But you’re in the middle too Somewhere between scum and dumbass I guess your morals don’t apply to you You told me to be one or the other But you’re in the middle too Somewhere between scum and dumbass I guess your morals don’t apply to you They don’t apply to you They don’t apply to you They don’t apply to you They don’t apply to you They don’t apply to you They don’t apply to you Then who the fuck do they apply to?
6.
Garbage Man 04:54
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I don’t wanna grow up It makes me wanna throw up Responsibility Gives me anxiety All I want is control Take this shit on a roll I want to lead a life I love But all I get is hell from above I don’t wanna grow up It makes me wanna throw up Responsibility Gives me anxiety All I want is control Take this shit on a roll I want to lead a life I love But all I get is hell from above I want to lead a life I love All I get is hell from above The devils got a hold of me Won’t let fucking go of me It emerges from inside of me Please just please let me be free I have a distorted perspective It’s like I was selected To feel like shit and manage fuck all Everytime I’m recovering I start to fall Haunted by the voices Trapped within my skull I have a distorted perspective It’s like I was selected To feel like shit Haunted by the voices Trapped within my skull All I hear are noises Deep within my soul YEAH The devils got a hold of me Won’t let fucking go of me It emerges from inside of me Please just please let me be free The earth shakes underneath my feet And it feels like I’m going down shits creek I can’t shout scream or speak Aches and pains shoot through my teeth All I want is to fucking feel But my bones and body are ethereal Kill your friends because you can Try and distract the garbage man The earth shakes underneath my feet And it feels like I’m going down shits creek I can’t shout scream or speak Aches and pains shoot through my teeth All I want is to fucking feel But my bones and body are ethereal Kill your friends because you can Try and distract the garbage man The devils got a hold of me Won’t let fucking go of me It emerges from inside of me Please just please let me be free The devil’s got a hold of me
7.
Scalextric 02:34
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I wanna get a dog So I can finally feel loved No, I wanna be a dog So I’m unaware I have blood Scalextric track in my nervous system Tiny cars make my body ache Wishing that i could find someone who would listen When I can’t recognise my own face I wanna get a cat So I feel less alone No, I wanna be a cat So I’m unaware I have bones Constant reminders that I’m human Are pushing me over the edge When I’m aware that I have lungs It makes me wish I were dead I wanna get a fish So I can feel okay No, I wanna be a fish So I’m unaware I have a brain Let me Let me (you make me wish i was dead) Let me be unaware Let me Let me (you make me wish i was dead) Let me be unaware Let me Let me (you make me wish i was dead) Let me be unaware I wanna get a bird So there’ll be purpose for me No, I wanna be a bird So I’m unaware I have a body
8.
Download Ur House 03:02
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We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house Mobile phones Make us Trackable Until you die Pigeons Are robots Made By the FBI We’re being watched By CCTV They’re everywhere on everything And you can’t blame me But still we have no proof In a country that is “free” Of harmless people Being murdered by police We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house Cryptids Definitely Do exist You’ve been fed lies Area 51 Has aliens That’s what they’re tryna hide We are being controlled Our lives are a game But the ones behind the remotes Won’t tell us their name But based on events It’s probably those with fame And people who know nothing Who will never change We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house The sea is Filled with chemicals Gas and oil And petrol spills Nothing is real It’s a glitch in the matrix Coz of the problems The government won’t fix The government won’t fix The government won’t fix We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house We all live in a simulation and I’m gonna download your house
9.
Bowling Alley Carpet 02:06
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You can’t go bowling Without the pins And the games no fun If nobody wins But how can you win When you’re there alone? Sat on the bowling alley carpet Because your friends didn’t show Dizzy visions of neon greens Collapse into the loneliness Carpet burn on your hands and knees Your friends are all so selfish You can’t go bowling Without the shoes And the games no fun If nobody can lose But how can you lose When you’re there alone? Sat on the bowling alley carpet Because your friends didn’t show Should I use the ball with the right weight Or pick the one that looks the prettiest I’m weak and I don’t feel too great Now the lightest one feels heaviest You can’t go bowling Without the balls And the games no fun If nobody draws But how can you draw When you’re there alone? Sat on the bowling alley carpet Because your friends didn’t show What’s the chance of me dying on my birthday? If nobody was even around? If a tree falls down in the middle of the woods Does it actually make a sound? What’s the chance of me dying on my birthday? If nobody was even around? If a tree falls down in the middle of the woods Does it actually make a sound? Does it actually make a sound?

about

we hope that when you hire a clown for your birthday, you don’t get this stupid album, however if you do, we promise it has crunchy guitar riffs, powerful screams and intense drums to fill your room or local park with energy. it’s about bowling alleys, being queer and struggling with mental illness, we hope it makes your teeth fall out!

credits

released July 30, 2021

Arthur Roberts: drums
Avery Holdom: production, arrangement, lyrics, vocals & guitar
Liam Adkins: bass guitar, backing vocals, lyrics

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Gum Disease London, UK

Gum Disease are your favourite least favourite queer clown band hated by 9/10 dentists, consisting of Avery Holdom & Phoebe Kift. Creating alternative rock chaotic enough to give you cavities. Their songs are produced, mixed and mastered by the wonderful Robert Wells.

They are Gum Disease and they’re gonna make your teeth fall out! ... more

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